“I Still Matter!”
Gospel
The Holy Gospel according to Saint John, the 20th chapter.
Glory to you, O Lord.
1Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the tomb. 2So she ran and went to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved, and said to them, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we do not know where they have laid him.” 3Then Peter and the other disciple set out and went toward the tomb. 4The two were running together, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. 5He bent down to look in and saw the linen wrappings lying there, but he did not go in. 6Then Simon Peter came, following him, and went into the tomb. He saw the linen wrappings lying there, 7and the cloth that had been on Jesus’ head, not lying with the linen wrappings but rolled up in a place by itself. 8Then the other disciple, who reached the tomb first, also went in, and he saw and believed; 9for as yet they did not understand the scripture, that he must rise from the dead. 10Then the disciples returned to their homes.
11But Mary stood weeping outside the tomb. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb; 12and she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had been lying, one at the head and the other at the feet. 13They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.” 14When she had said this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not know that it was Jesus. 15Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?” Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.” 16Jesus said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni!” (which means Teacher). 17Jesus said to her, “Do not hold on to me, because I have not yet ascended to the Father. But go to my brothers and say to them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’ ” 18Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord”; and she told them that he had said these things to her.
The Gospel of our Lord. Praise to you, O Christ.
“I Still Matter!”
Grace to you and peace from God our Creator, from our Risen Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ and from our Sustainer, the Holy Spirit. Amen.
“Woman, why are you weeping?” As Pam sinks into her bathtub the pain is unbearable. She is weeping. She barely made it home alive after a grueling, harrowing, dangerous climb down the mountain. Her body bruised and bloody, she begins to slide down in the tub – her head sinking under water. As she sobs and as her head sinks under water, she remembers. She remembers the worst day of her life, and then we see the flash back. We see what’s on her mind as she sinks underwater sobbing. We see the worst day of her life.
This is the flashback. A strange odor wakes her up one morning. She struggles to rise as she coughs and coughs. She struggles to breath, manages to sit up and stick her head as far out of her open window as possible – the window just above her bed. She gasps for fresh air from that open window, and then looks towards the open door of her daughters’ bedroom. She jerks up to a standing position and then falls and then drags herself towards her daughters’ bedroom. Coughing and hacking and gasping for breath pulling herself long the floor she makes it to their bedroom, but it is too late. She grabs the lifeless bodies of her two little girls, 5 and 6 years old, and she sobs. Their window was not open. They succumbed to a gas leak in the apartment building. The only thing that saved Pam was the fact that she slept with an open window over her bed. She weeps, gasping for air while holding her two little girls. Then as her head emerges from the tub water, she gasps for air. “Woman, why are you weeping?” Can you imagine such pain? Can you imagine such grief?
“Mary stood outside the tomb. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb; and she saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had been lying…they said to her ‘Woman, why are you weeping?’” And Mary, who was Jesus’ dear friend and companion, Mary, who stood at the foot of the cross while the Lord she adored was put to death, Mary, standing by the empty tomb, responds, “They have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him!” Can you imagine such grief? Can you imagine such pain?
“Woman, why are you weeping?” We hear no answer from Pam – no words, only sobs in between her gasps for air as Pam holds her two little girls. Can you imagine such grief? Can you imagine such pain?
This true story is depicted in the movie called “Infinite Storm” starring Naomi Watts about a woman named Pam Biles who found solace for her grief over the death of her two daughters by hiking in the White Mountains in New Hampshire. As she said in the movie to a friend about her hikes the mountains, “It’s better than sitting with my therapist.” Pam was both a nurse and an experienced mountain hiking guide so she knew her way around.
That scene I described of her in the bathtub was at the end of a harrowing day – which happened to be the anniversary of her daughters’ deaths. Every year on the fateful anniversary Pam’s way to cope was to hike up Mount Washington as far as she could go. So on that October morning – that anniversary day – even though she knew the weather forecast was not good, she filled her back-pack with extra socks and mittens, warmer blankets, food, water, hot cocoa, first-aid supplies, flash lights and off she went with her walking sticks on what to her was a very familiar trail.
As she climbed the weather got worse and a full-scale blizzard enveloped her. She turned around and started down the mountain long before she got to the top. As she reached what is known as the Great Gulf, she encountered a shadowy figure sitting on the ledge. Through the driving snow and wind it was difficult to make out what it was – let alone get there. Finally she reached the figure and found an unresponsive man sitting down in the snow dressed only in shorts, sneakers and a tee shirt looking like he was frozen to death.
At the empty tomb, “Mary turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not know that is was Jesus. Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you looking for?’ Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, ‘Sir, if you have carried him away, tell l me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.”
Pam approached the frozen man sitting up like a statue and took him by his shoulders and shook him. Shook him hard and yelled at him, “What is your name? Can you hear me? What is your name?” She heard a faint grunt, but no name. No words. “What is your name?” Pam yells. Still nothing. So Pam says, “If you aren’t going to tell me your name, I’ll give you one and then you need to respond to me.” Your name is John. Do you hear me? Your name is John.”
Mary said to the man whom she thought was the gardener, “Sir, if you have carried the body of Jesus away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.” The man said to her, “Mary!” She turned and said to him in Hebrew, “Rabbouni! (which means Teacher)…The moment she heard her name spoken, she knew the man standing in front of her was not the gardener, but Jesus. Jesus alive! Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, ‘I have seen the Lord.”
The moment Mary heard her own name spoken by Jesus, her grief turned to joy. The moment Mary heard her own name spoken by Jesus, she knew hope. The moment Mary heard her own name spoken by Jesus, she felt alive.
The moment Pam Biles gave the frozen man a name, his grief, his suicidal plans began to melt. The moment Pam Biles spoke the frozen man’s name, he began to thaw and move and respond, and with every aggressive and compassionate measure Pam took to nurse him back to life on the mountain, there was the gift of hope.
Not only did she put her nursing skills to work but then she put her mountain hiking guide experience to work and literally led him down that mountain step by step by step. At one point he severely injured an ankle. She kept him going. At another point he fell into a river they were trying to cross on a fallen tree. She pulled him from the icy water. She never stopped. She never gave up. She never turned her back on him – despite the fact that day was the anniversary of the death of her two little girls. She risked her own life to save one man’s live.
That is the Easter story! Jesus said to her, “Mary!” The moment Jesus calls your name, there is hope. For many that moment is as the water of Holy Baptism splashes on your head. For others that moment may be a mountain-top encounter like Pam and John’s. Despite great risk to her own life, Pam never gave up on John. God goes one step further. God not only risks the life of God’s only Son and but God actually gave up Jesus’ very life. God’s son dies so that there is always hope and new life.
Coming down that mountain with John, Pam never stopped. She never gave up. She never turned her back on John, and he lived. He lived but so did Pam. Pam’s life changed from that moment on. It was a transformation – a resurrection. She took her own grief, her own trauma and changed it into compassion and service. Her own brokenness became love – unconditional love for a stranger. In caring for that frozen man, she was fully alive again. Her grief began to heal. Her trauma began to mend. Her brokenness transformed into the gift of life.
Listen for a moment to what John said about his experience with Pam in a later interview, and as you listen, hear a description of the divine. Hear a description of what it’s like to live because someone else gave their own life for you. Listen to what it means to live on this side of the resurrection. Just as Mary Magdalene was changed, listen to how John was changed.
John said of the experience, “On Sunday, 17 October, 2010, I went up my favorite trail, Jewell, to end my life,” John recounted how Biles had treated him. “The entire time she treated me with compassion, authority, confidence, and the impression that I mattered. With all that had been going wrong in my life, I didn’t matter to me, but I did to Pam. She probably thought I was the stupidest hiker dressed like I was, but I was never put down in any way—chewed out, yes, in a kind way. Maybe I wasn’t meant to die yet. I somehow still mattered in life.”
“I somehow still mattered in life.” Who else out there wonders if they still matter? Whose cry do you hear? Who else is weeping beside the empty tomb? Is it the mom and dad who cannot provide a home for their children? Is it the Israeli mother whose child is still being held hostage by Hamas? Is it the Palestinian mother in Gaza who cannot find food to feed her children? Is it the child being bullied at school for who they are? Is it the friend whose brother just died? Is it the African America mother who worries constantly about the safety of her adult son?
Who needs you to coax them off the ledge? Who needs you to lead them down the mountain? Who needs you to be the resurrected Christ? Who needs us – the church – to be the resurrected Christ? Who needs to know they matter?
Jesus spoke Mary’s name. At that moment Mary knew she was OK, she was loved just the way she was – and Mary announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord!” I still matter in life! Thanks be to God. The Lord is Risen! He is risen indeed, alleluia! Amen.
Quotation from on-line publication: Collider